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Giving your children “the talk” can be the single most uncomfortable moment of raising them. After all, it insinuates that you acknowledge that your baby is growing up and potentially engaging in activities that many of us refuse to discuss out loud. 

Discussing safe sex practices is a challenging but necessary part of parenting. Although it may be uncomfortable, having this conversation can be one of the most influential talks you have with your child. Believe it or not, you are still the primary influencer in your child’s life well into their teenage years. The things you communicate to your child about sex will have the biggest impact on their knowledge of safe sexual practices and perceptions of intimacy. 

Even parents who are comfortable having the sex talk with their children can be at a loss of where or when to start. Many experts agree conversations (or at least honestly answering questions) should begin far earlier than they usually do. Read on for important talking points. 

Build Understanding

In the era of modern technology, you may be shocked to hear what your child already knows about once you get them talking. They get a lot of answers from the internet, and that can actually help them to feel more comfortable having these conversations in general. But it can also leave huge gaps in their knowledge — topics that you will need to thoroughly cover.

For example, begin with making sure you are both on the same page with terminology. Try not to use slang words to describe body parts. Instead, build a clear and respectful understanding of terms and the role each part plays in bodily functions. Understanding and using these terms can help teenagers communicate effectively to both partners and healthcare professionals. 

Additionally, discuss what safe sex actually looks like. Talk about why a condom is important during intercourse and how to use one correctly. Likewise, don’t be afraid to talk about the wide variety of birth control options and the pros and cons of each. Having these conversations often reduces awkwardness and builds trust, making your teen more likely to ask you their questions — rather than depending upon what they hear from friends or social media. 

Discuss Risks

Most teens are pretty aware of the risk of getting pregnant, but many may not be fully aware of all of the other potential risks that come with intercourse. Primarily sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). During one of your many conversations with your teen, bring up these risks and ways to help prevent them.

For instance, discuss the differences between various diseases and infections, especially ones that are similar like human papillomavirus (HPV) and herpes. There are approximately 100 strains of HPV, some of which can lead to cervical cancer in women, while there are only two types of herpes, neither of which lead to any cancers. Both STDs may not present themselves, so you may never know you have them. Likewise, the risk of contraction decreases greatly with the use of condoms. 

Also take the time to discuss risks that could be greater for your particular child. For example, teens who are of African American decent or who are gay have a much greater risk of contracting HIV/AIDS. Although new treatments for this condition are promising, there are very real risks for those who contract it. 

Impart Values

Finally, it is also up to you as a parent to impart your particular values related to sexual intercourse. Beyond the value of having safe sex, this means instilling values related to how a partner should be treated and your teen should expect to be treated as well. For example, teach them to respect the wishes of their partner immediately and to feel comfortable speaking up if they don’t want to do something.  

You can also teach them the value of having an intimate, respectful, and happy relationship without needing things such as alcohol. Although there is research supporting the idea that couples that drink together may have more intimacy, there is also research indicating that too much alcohol too regularly can limit the ability of an individual to experience intimacy later in life.  

Talking with your teen about the way you expect partners to be treated in all situations teaches them what standards they should hold themselves to. It can help them identify bad situations early and get out of them. Practicing strategies for getting out of uncomfortable situations can help them to do so confidently in real life. 

Having “the talk” is likely awkward for both you and your child, but it is a valuable ongoing conversation that can have a real positive impact on his or her life. By having these talks, you are able to fill in the information gaps and make sure both safe practices and risks are well understood. Furthermore, you have a profound opportunity to influence the core values of a healthy relationship that your child will develop. Ultimately, this conversation will help to make your child a safer and healthier adult.

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